


Castle Bound

by Mogseltof



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Fusion, Gen, Hogwarts AU, Humanstuck, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mogseltof/pseuds/Mogseltof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four students arrive at Hogwarts for their first year, but they are completely unaware of the tense times they face. The future holds worrying prospects, but the past will only bring unexpected surprises...</p>
<p>(Ensemble fusion, character tags to be added as they appear. Updating once a week.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin Session

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys and welcome to Castle Bound, a story that begins in the start of the school year of Order of the Phoenix and wherein our beloved characters bite off more than they can chew. There will be one line from the HP book referenced in every chapter, and if you can catch it I'll name a minor OC after you - I have trouble coming up with incidental names. Character tags and warnings will be added as they're needed, but assume every session character from HS will show up at some point, because they probably will. Concrit and plot suggestions appreciated!

KNIGHT ====> WEAR THE HAT, RIDE THE STOOL, DETERMINE FATE

The sorting hat was upon Rose’s head for all of four seconds before a sibilant ‘ _Slytherin_ ’ was announced to the waiting hall, and Dave watched his twin hop daintily off the stool and walk calmly across to join his older brother at the table all clad in silver and green. It would be nice, he thought, to join her maybe. The train ride had been talkative - despite the tradition of the twins being split up and raised by the separate wings of the family at the age of five, they had fallen into an easy conversation, bouncing irony off of sarcasm. And he wouldn’t mind the extra time with Dirk either.

On the other hand, Ravenclaw wouldn’t be bad. He could see his older sister, Dirk’s twin Roxy, giving a small wave to Rose from the table, just near the bouncy muggleborn with ridiculous glasses, teeth, and hair, who had introduced herself on the train as “Hi I’m Jade Harley - have you seen a lunatic with an inflatable hammer? Only he’s my cousin and I’m supposed to be watching out for him he’ll piss someone off and get hexed on his first day I just know it!”. Dave didn’t think he’d mind getting to know either of them a bit better.

(He privately crossed Hufflepuff off his preferred list - Jade’s lunatic cousin with the inflatable hammer had been sorted there. He’d joined their compartment just before the lunch trolley had arrived, hammer already deflating. Apparently he’d chosen the wrong third year Slytherin to play a practical joke on; he spent the next half an hour shaking spiders out of every fold in his cloak while cheerfully explaining that he thought she was the horrible one who had hexed his cousin Jake, but had accidentally gotten the wrong girl. The girl had stopped by an hour after that and swiftly kidnapped John from their compartment with the exclamation that it “wasn’t a half bad hex, you know, for a firstie and a half-blood!!!” and Dave sincerely hoped it was the last time he ever encountered Vriska Serket with the bird eating spider on her shoulder.)

The kids with surnames higher on the alphabet before him dwindled, until the stern witch in tartan with the name Dave was going to avoid trying to pronounce until absolutely necessary hit the ‘S’ section, and finally “Strider, David”, was called, and he strolled up, deliberately nonchalant. Well, what he assumed was nonchalant. The hat flopped on his head, overlarge and weirdly cool despite the plethora of heads that had touched it right before him, the brim falling in front of his shades, and he could make out a couple of kids near the front rows sniggering at him.

_Well, well, Mister Strider, aren’t we a turn up for the books_ , the hat whispered inside his head, and Dave fought back the urge to shudder, his mind turning instantly towards a puppet with bright red cheeks and abysmally creepy attempt at a childish grin. _A shoe in, much like your sister. Never fear, you’ll find your feet in_ … GRYFFINDOR!

Dave started as he heard the yell in his actual ears as well as his head, and carried the movement forward into standing up quickly, pulling the hat off his head. Rose nodded at him with a small smile, mimicked eerily by Dirk, and he gave a quick nod back before dutifully trotting across to the table on the very far side of the room from them.

He sat down in between a redhead and a second year girl with short dark hair and oval glasses who smiled at him, and listened to the rest of the names on the list get reeled off. As soon as the last student had scurried off to Ravenclaw, the dark haired girl turned to him and spoke softly. “Hello, Dave was it?”

He nodded and she smiled. “Jane. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but notice my younger brother talking to you in while you were in line, thought I might introduce myself.” She held her hand out to her and he took it and shook it, making her grin.

“I hope you’re aware he’s going to get himself either indoctrinated into a cult or murdered within two weeks,” Dave joked.

“It better not take two weeks, I told Lalonde it would be four days,” she deadpanned right back at him, and Dave grinned.

They chatted through dinner, and she pointed out various staff members for him with vague points of her fork. “You’ve already met our Head of House, McGonagall, she’s also Deputy Headmistress - very stern but ridiculously fair, you know, unless it’s Quidditch,” she said with a flash of a grin. “We won the last cup, so she’s going to be hilarious at the matches it’ll be great. That’s Snape at the other end of the table, he’s Head of Slytherin, teaches Potions and hates everyone in Gryffindor.” She gave him a considering glance. “You’re Dirk Strider’s younger brother, right?”

Dave nodded, swallowing a lump of mashed potato. “You’ve met him?”

Jane gave a crooked smile. “Our class had a massive fight in Potions in our second week, so Snape did assigned pairs, and we landed each other. You’ll probably get assigned too - schedules always put us in with the snakes for potions and apparently we were the first class not to disintegrate something every month because of ‘personality’ clashes,” she explained, putting finger quotes around the phrase. She reached over to a platter and stabbed a steak off, bringing it over to her plate. “Anyway, Str - Dirk, I mean, rubs him the wrong way, so I’d try and keep your head down - Snape holds grudges,” she explained with a worried glance.

“Well, then I’m more doomed than Pompeii that’s hosting its annual fireworks carnival in the middle of volcano season,” Dave deadpanned. 

She rolled her eyes, cutting her steak into bite sized pieces. “Try not to lose us too many points then,” she said briskly. “We haven’t lost the house cup in four years, I think McGonagall will behead anyone who endangers our chances. Anyway, I think I’ve seen the woman who’s talking to Flitwick before, I think she stood in for Care of Magical Creatures last year after the thing in the Prophet-”

“About the gameskeeper being half giant?” Dave asked quietly.

Jane nodded. “Don’t talk about it much, please, he’s really nice actually, and he was so upset. Besides, Skeeter’s mostly disgraced now, have you noticed nobody prints her anymore?”

“My Mum said something about it in a letter, I think.”

“Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person,” Jane said, a trifle smug. “She was writing some awful stuff. The woman in the pink cardigan’s the only other one I don’t recognise, so she must be Defence Against the Dark Arts for this year. We’ll probably get a name after dessert.”

They polished off their plates, dessert showing up in fine form, and Dave limited himself to a single slice of apple pie with a small sigh. Jane gave him a bemused look from behind her own plate, loaded with cupcakes, whipped cream, treacle tart, two types of pie and a small pudding. “You’re allowed to eat you know,” she said.

“No I’m not,” Dave said immediately. “There was this thing, with a monkey, and a dragon.”

"Riiiiight,” Jane said, peeling the wrapper off a cupcake and biting into it.

“No, seriously,” Dave said, raising an eyebrow. “It started when I was a kid, you know…”

Jane gratified him by laughing in all the right places, and not bugging him about the amount he ate. The plates cleared themselves, and they turned towards the teachers table, Dave making soft monkey noises under his breath, trying to startle a laugh out of Jane. The redheaded girl on his other side gave him a funny look and shuffled slightly away from him, making both of them break out into giggles, which were silenced when Professor Dumbledore stood up. 

The woman in the pink cardigan turned out to be called Professor Umbridge, and the instant Dave detected the tone aimed at kids five years younger than him, his automatic filter went on, and he could feel his eyes shutting almost of their own accord. Words like “progress” and “wonderful opportunities” bounced off him, and he leant over to make a   
snide comment to Jane, only to notice she was staring anxiously at her plate.

“Jane?”

She shook her head minutely, and he didn’t press the issue.

After a great deal more talking than Dave would have liked, everything appeared to be over, and people began standing up. He looked around curiously, wondering if he should just follow the crowd. Jane caught his eye and smiled again. “Listen for the prefects, they’ll show you how to get up to the tower. Nice to meet you, Dave.”

“Oi! _Midgets_!” someone yelled loudly, followed by a clearer yell for first year Gryffindors, and Dave followed the sound of the voices.

The two prefects lead them up to the tower, making comments on how to find the way up and down, a casual reminder that the stairs moved around every now and then, a warning about a poltergeist, and a crack about the Professor Snape that Jane had pointed out, resulting in the fifth year girl smacking her fellow prefect on the arm. Dave really just wanted to get to bed. The common room looked comfortable enough, though he was going to have so many jokes to tell Rose about the woman in the portrait who looked like she sucked lemons in her spare time. 

He barely glanced at his dormmates as they all stumbled towards the beds with their trunks, only pausing to make sure the curtains around his bed were firmly shut, before his head hit the pillow and he was asleep. He dreamed of giant forges, and flowing lava, but he would not remember a bit of them.

SEER ====> BE THE DUNGEON MASTER

-You cannot be Professor Snape, you are too busy being Rose Lalonde-

Dirk had not spoken a word in the entire period of dinner, and neither was he speaking now, here in the Slytherin dungeons, despite the foul glare Professor Snape appeared to be giving him. Neither Roxy nor Dave had mentioned anything about her older brother being mute, and of what little she remembered of the time before they were separated, nothing suggested he was incapable of speech, so she deduced either a very specific trauma triggering a form of selective mutism, a test of her ability by her family, or some sort of battle of ironic one-up-man-ship waged against a competitor with barely an idea of the form the fight was taking.

Knowing their mother, and judging by the conversation with Dave on the train, Rose was very willing to bet actual galleons on irony’s hand in the proceedings.

A sixth year wearing a prefect’s badge tapped Rose on the shoulder. “Ignore Strider. He’s an idiot. Take this, and follow the passage on the left til you find a door with the same colour handle and that’s your dorm.” She pressed a stone into Rose’s hand and moved on to another group of first years before Rose could come up with something suitably dry and cutting to say in defence of Dirk.

The stone was emitting a steady, lilac glow in its centre, and Rose followed the small stream of girls going down the tiny corridor on the left, that was obviously where the girls slept. The door with the handle in matching lilac was the fourth one down the hall, and Rose crinkled her nose automatically as the repugnant prefect who had escorted them from the dinner hall entered it just before her.

There were seven beds around the room, numbered one through seven, one being closest to the door. Her trunk was at its foot, Jaspers curled up on the pillow. Bed number two was empty, but three and four were occupied, three by the Serket girl with the eyepatch who had kidnapped Egbert from their compartment on the train, and four by a girl with long hair whose Slytherin robes had somehow acquired a hood with cat ears perched on top. Serket’s bird eating spider was occupied with dinner in the large glass terrarium at the foot of her bed, and a sleek white cat was curled up in the lap of the other girl. 

They ignored the prefect, Parkinson, who returned the favour, and instead turned to look at Rose. Serket grinned toothily, and the other girl waved. “Hel- _lo_ , firstie!” Serket crowed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Welcome to what is _quite_ clearly the best dorm in the house, fitting considering we’re the best house in the school! I am Vriska Serket, this,” she gestured at the girl with the cat who waved with a small smile, “is Meulin Leijon, you’ve already met Parkinson, and Abercrombie and Fitch always wait until late to come up on first night,” she said with a sniff, gesturing at the beds labelled ‘six’ and ‘seven’. “We had a second year but she was a weakling so Snape’s swapping us around, I dunno who we’re getting instead.”

“Good evening,” Rose said politely. “My name’s Rose Lalonde, I believe we met briefly on the train.”

Vriska squinted at her. “Oh yeah. You were in the compartment with the dork. Pity he got sorted into Hufflepuff, I might have been able to turn him into something worth while.” She sniffed again. “Now he’ll probably be a weakling like our second year - _she_ ought to transfer into Hufflepuff!”  
Meulin tapped Vriska on the shoulder, making a quizzical noise, and Vriska repeated herself, slower and accompanied by hand signals, before turning back to Rose with a smug grin. “Leijon’s deaf, you’ll just have to deal with that.”

“No matter,” Rose said pleasantly, leaning back on her bed and waving at Meulin. Hello, she signed, and Meulin grinned. 

_Ignore Serket, she’s trying to see what you’re made of. Our second year had arachnophobia so Serket set her spider on her all year on and off._ “Hi!” Meulin said loudly. “I can still talk but my volume control is off!” _How well do you speak it?_ She signed quickly at Rose.

_My mother refused to allow the use verbal or written words within our house for a year. My sister and I grew quite adept._ “If you are more comfortable signing, I can use it passably,” she said, enunciating each word clearly and innocently.

A quick look of discomfort flashed across Serket’s face so fast that Rose almost missed it. “No need to be rude to our other dormmates,” she interjected hastily, signing the words along, but this time when Rose looked at her hands, she noticed that Serket was slower and made the shapes less easily.

“Then shut up and go to bed,” Parkinson groused. “I will silence all three of you, don’t think I won’t,” she threatened, pulling the curtains of her four poster shut forcefully. It lacked the power of a slammed door, Rose thought dryly.

Vriska rolled her eyes. “Her royal prefectness has _spoken_ ,” she drawled, sprawling back on her bed. “Full day of classes in the morning, girls. Sleep _well_ ,” she finished with an evil looking grin, flicking her wand up to make her curtains snap shut.

Meulin smiled. _You should sleep. Don’t worry about the others too much. Parkinson’s a bitch but she ignores anything that doesn’t directly impact her, the sixes and sevens are too worried about exams. Vriska will try and test you periodically but her game is not as big as her talk_. Her cat stretched and jumped to the floor, walking towards Rose.

_You know, I honestly hadn’t considered that I might need to be worried about sleeping_ , Rose signed, raising an eyebrow. She held a hand out for Meulin’s cat to sniff.

Meulin laughed. _I take it back. Welcome to Hogwarts, be worried._

HEIR ====> ACQUIRE FRIENDS

The common room was warm and welcoming, a low fire crackling in the grate. The prefect who had helped them find their way from the hall, a welcoming looking girl, asked them to stay by the portrait hole, before following most of the house into the various doors around the common room, until the only ones left were them and a group of third years by the fire who were being talked to by a sixth year.

The sixth year grinned and walked towards them. “Hey guys, welcome to Hufflepuff.” John took part in the sleepy, mumbled assent, which made the older kid roll their eyes, still smiling good-naturedly. “I know, it’s been a big day, but we need to get this sorted tonight or we’ll lose track of time and it won’t happen. What we’re going to do is match you up with a third year buddy - someone you can go to with questions, for help and directions and to get you started out right! Each of them has been given one of your names and they’ll find you now, and then we can go to bed. Hey guys, come on over!”

The last part was directed to the third years who all walked forward, a couple of people towards the back rolling their eyes, but no actual outbursts of complaining under the watchful eye of the sixth year. People started talking and introducing each other, and there was a tap on John’s shoulder.

A tall girl with long dark hair and a pair of purple framed, horn rimmed glasses smiled gleefully at him. “John Egbert?”

“Yup!” John said happily. “You’re my third year buddy?”

“Feferi Peixes!” she said with a bubbly giggle, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “I’m so happy to meet you! Your dorm is that one, over there on the right,” she said pointing out one of the round doors, “and I’m two doors to your left. I’ll meet you down here in the morning to show you to breakfast, okay?”

John nodded, not quite keeping back a yawn. “Okay!”

Feferi covered her own yawn and giggled. “Oh no! You’ve set me off! I’ll see you in the morning.”

John nodded and trotted off towards the door she’d pointed out.

* * *

Feferi was waiting for him in the morning as promised, perched on a squashy looking armchair by the fire with her uniform done up neatly, and she waved cheerfully at John as he came out. “Good morning!” she called cheerfully, “Ready for your first day?”

John nodded eagerly. “Yup!” he said cheerfully. “Ready as anything.”

Feferi laughed. “Awesome!” she said, reaching down and grabbing his arm to loop it through hers. “Now stick close to me and I’ll show you the easiest way to the hall…”

John’s head near about span as Feferi showed him down to the hall, pointing out various points of interest. “Oh! That staircase always changes at noon, but in the mornings it always leads down to the second floor, but somewhere different every afternoon.” Or passing by a seemingly innocuous patch of wall “if you kick the skirting there three times there’s a shortcut up to the library!” and the various suits of armour “if you think one looks awfully familiar, don’t worry, they move about, and Peeves likes to play fun by hiding in them!”

The third and first years were all mixed up around one end of the Hufflepuff table, and Feferi sat them down in between two third year girls with first years on the other side. “John, this is Nepeta,” she said, gesturing to her right at a short girl with messy hair and a pair of cats ears poking through her fringe, “and this is Kanaya,” she said, pointing at the girl on her other side who was tall and wearing a light and floaty scarf with the Hufflepuff colours on it. “Girls this is John!”

They greeted him, smiling, and John waved at his yearmates on their other side, everyone introducing themselves, and when Professor Sprout bustled through handing out timetables. Feferi poked her nose into his timetable and sorted out which classes were in different parts of the castle, and Kanaya offered to walk with him to his first one, Herbology, because she had Care of Magical Creatures down that way. 

John grinned. He was probably going to like Hogwarts!

WITCH ====> BE THE WITCH!

Jade had absolutely no desire to close her eyes as she trotted down the stairs and on her way to her first class, blue and bronze robes flapping around her - her grandfather had insisted on getting a size too large to make room for growth spurts.

(And the rifle that was absolutely not stuffed into the bottom of her trunk in the tower upstairs.)

First class of the day, and well the year, was Transfiguration with Slytherin, and Jade slipped in behind a couple of her dorm mates, who greeted her cheerfully. They spent five minutes chattering and talking about their books, when McGonagall swept in, raising a hand for silence, which fell over the classroom. “Good morning, students,” she said, “and welcome to Transfiguration. Now first up, we are going to have a seating rearrangement. Professor Snape trialled it in his first year class last year and it was most effective - so, everybody stand up and find someone wearing robes of the house you aren’t in, and you’ll be seated with them for this class.”

A couple of the girls from Jade’s dorm made protesting noises, but McGonagall quelled them with a sharp look. Jade gathered her books up and wandered around aimlessly until she bumped into a Slytherin girl doing the same thing. “Hello!” Jade said brightly. “And, uh, sorry for bumping into you.”

“Never mind,” the Slytherin girl said, and she gestured at the table next to them. “Shall we?” They sat down, watching the other members of the class fumble around them. “My name’s Rose, by the way, Rose Lalonde.”

“Jade Harley,” Jade said cheerfully, holding out her hand. Rose shook it with a quick smile. “Wait, Lalonde? You wouldn’t happen to be related to a Roxy would you?”  
Rose raised an eyebrow. “My older sister. I didn’t realise she’d taken it upon herself to comb through first years for victims.”

“Victims?” Jade asked, her own eyebrow matching Rose’s. “I guess I’ll stay out of the way of her ‘external projects’ then,” she joked, “actually she introduced herself because she knows my brother, Jake.”

Rose smiled, but whatever she was going to say was cut off by McGonagall beginning the lesson, and by the time they were safely undercover of transfiguring their match sticks, they changed the topic of conversation. “What’s your next class?” Rose asked, going over the wand movement with a small frown.

“Charms,” Jade said absently, inspecting her stick. “Does this look kind of silver to you?”

Rose looked at it, obliging. “A little,” she said. “Maybe once more? And damn, I was hoping you’d say Potions. I know Hufflepuff’s got Charms as well - so we must be with the Gryffindors.”

“They’re just school houses,” Jade said reasonably, jabbing at her stick again. “Surely it can’t be that bad.”

“My twin brother’s in Gryffindor,” Rose said, “he’s good company, but an absolute lunatic, and our older brother has already aggravated Professor Snape to near breaking point.   
There are some train wrecks I have absolutely no desire to witness.”

Jade giggled. “Oh dear.” She jabbed at her stick again, and yelped. “Hey I did it!” The match stick was definitely silver and metal, though it wasn’t very pointy and there was no hole. Rose had achieved a needle’s hole, but nothing else. 

McGonagall stopped by them and inspected their work. “Very good, Miss Harley, though clarity of mind will help you do better. Miss Lalonde you simply need to focus more. Very good for your first attempts, both of you.”

They smiled at each other.


	2. Chapter 2

BARD ====> IGNORE THE POUNDING IN YOUR HEAD

\- You _can’t_ you’re _trying_ but it’s so _loud_ and it _hurts_ -

KNIGHT ====> FIND YOUR IDIOT FRIEND

\- Dave is already with his idiot friend, John is showing him how to rig a bucket of water over the door of the girls bathroom -

OTHER KNIGHT ====> FIND YOUR IDIOT FRIEND

\- Latula is also with her idiot friend, in their common room, he’s making doe eyes at a fifth year girl with curly hair who’s giggling and pretending not to notice -

KNIGHT OF BLOOD ====> FIND YOUR IDIOT FRIEND

\- You are beginning to suspect this narrator is deliberately obtuse - 

Karkat pulled his ratty sleeves down over his hands, slipping his thumbs through the well worn holes, ignoring the fact that it was patently a little warm for a jumper, and that the jumper was technically a size too small. Gamzee hadn’t showed for their third period class, and he figured neither of them would be missed in fourth period Divination. He was only taking it to keep Terezi company anyway, and Gamzee only took it because Karkat asked him to.

Gamzee was behind the Quidditch shed as usual, lying back with the heels of his palms pressed into his eyes, making low growling noises. Karkat sighed and sat down next to him, poking a finger into Gamzee’s temple. “You can’t skip classes first week, numbskull, they’ll notice straight off and then you’re on watch for the rest of the year.”

Gamzee snorted. “Goes double for you, my moon bound mother fucker,” he said, pulling a hand away to tug at Karkat. “Shut up and hug me.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and lay down next to him. “You are not supposed to know that,” he said, tugging his jumper off and turning it into a pillow. “I mean seriously, what the fuck.”

Gamzee rolled until he was on his side, snuggling his face into Karkat’s neck. “Does it bother you? Me all up and knowing?” he asked, and Karkat could feel his lips and eyelashes against his neck. It was a singularly strange feeling.

Karkat snorted, turning his neck to hide Gamzee’s eyes more, the way Karkat knew he liked it. “If it bothered me, Dumbledore would probably be hearing it from his fucking tower right now,” he said. “I guessed you knew, back at the end of last year. Just… don’t tell anyone, okay, addle-brains?”

“’Course not, my brother,” Gamzee said quietly. “ ‘S your secret, I wouldn’t be all up and telling that to everyone now.”

“Thanks, asshole,” Karkat said, grinning and letting his eyes flicker shut.

A few seconds later a sharp stinging jinx hit his side. “OW! What the fuck!” he yelped, sitting up.

Kanaya stood over them, one hand on her hip, tapping her wand on her thigh with the other, bright yellow robes shoved up around her elbows and held back with little buttoned straps that Karkat knew weren’t standard issue. “You’re supposed to be in class,” she said abruptly, giving Gamzee a mistrustful look.

“Yeah? So are you,” Karkat said, giving her a baleful look, but already reaching for his jumper.

Kanaya smirked, sliding her wand up her sleeve. “Professor Grubbly - Plank is letting me go to the toilet; I saw you slinking down here on my way to Creatures. I will hex you again.”

“You’re my cousin, not my _mother_ ,” Karkat said, rolling his eyes and poking Gamzee. “Come on, dick weed, if I have to go to class, so do you.”

Gamzee sighed and picked himself up off the ground. Karkat brushed the miscellaneous dirt off of his trousers, before turning to do the same for Gamzee. 

“Have fun!” Kanaya called after them, and Karkat flipped her off behind his head, ignoring her laughter.

They made it up to the North Tower in almost record time, though Karkat had to nearly drag Gamzee up the last flight of stairs and Trelawney’s ladder. Trelawney bought their flustered excuses with a nod. “Yes, yes, you two. You recall where the teapots and cups are? And I believe Miss Pyrope has free places at her table.”

Terezi was sitting on her own, and she cheerfully reached over and whacked Karkat in the side with her cane when he sat down. “Don’t you try to skive off this class, Vantas! I’m excited for this one!” She replaced her cane on the floor and returned to running her fingers over the book on tesseomancy open in her lap.

“How does Trelawney expect you to get this stuff when you can’t even see the tea leaves?” Karkat muttered, taking a cup from Gamzee and trying gingerly not to burn his tongue on the first sip.

“The Professor is taking things into account and I will be assessed on theory where my blindness is an issue!” Terezi said cheerfully. “And she is most eager to look into alternatives for seeing on the physical plane - we think we might be onto something with smells in different kinds of tea and she thinks that feeling hands in palm reading is more reliable anyway!”

“Right,” Karkat said, before swallowing as much tea as he could stand. “I suppose that’s fair.”

Terezi snorted and picked up her cane threateningly. “One comment about alternate divination forms and I’ll shank you, Karkat.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything!” Karkat said hastily, putting his cup down and slopping some tea over the sides. “Here - how about Gamzee and I read out the shapes in the teacups and you find the entries?”

Terezi sniffed the air. “Yeah, sure,” she said casually. “Just stop trying to skive the class or just drop it completely, okay? You both smell like old broomsticks - and I’m not a complete idiot, Karkat, I know you’re only taking this class out of some sense of misplaced pity. I’m not going to be held responsible for your classes and grades.”

“Uh,” Gamzee said, reaching over and putting his tea cup in Karkat’s hands. “Not to be all up and interrupting, but I’ve finished this cup o’ hot leaf juice.”

“Shut up, Makara,” Terezi said flatly. “And Karkat - to get one thing clear _right now_ \- we are _not_ having a repeat of last year. Either be my friend or don’t, I don’t care which.” She slammed the book shut and put it in her bag. “I need to talk to Professor Trelawney about my assignment structures. Do your own readings.”

With that she walked away from the table and Karkat watched her go, completely flabbergasted. “I didn’t even say anything!” he said to Gamzee, who just shrugged helplessly. 

“Argh!” He slammed his forehead against the table, knocking over his cup.

 _Great,_ He thought, tea seeping into his hair, _just great._

PAGE ====> ENJOY COMPANY OF FRIENDS

\- The Page of Breath is not currently a playable character -

PAGE OF HOPE ====> ENJOY A JOLLY GOOD SHINDIG WITH YOUR COMRADES

Jake found his friends down by the lake, Roxy and Jane levitating a laughing Dirk over the water. “Ladies, ladies please. Come on you don’t want to drop me! The squid might eat me, you wouldn’t want to give it indigestion now, would you really? That’s blatant animal cruelty.”

“He may have a point,” Roxy mused out loud, wand not moving. “I mean, those shades probably wouldn’t be too friendly on the inside of its beak, in the least.”

“Nonsense!” Jane chided, barely holding back her laughter. “I think that squid is quite tough enough! Besides, do we have any proof that it eats students? I don’t think the administration would let it stay on grounds if it did, after all.”

“Maybe it’s just been a long time since it ate the last one?” Jake called out, dropping his bag and shedding his school robes on top of it.

“Jake!” Jane called out, and both turned to grin at him and wave. Their concentration wavered for a second and Dirk dropped into the lake with a splash and a yelp.

“Oops,” Jane muttered, looking mortified.

Dirk surfaced, sunglasses miraculously still attached to his face, ( _Magically_ , Jake corrected internally, _magically_ ) and Roxy near about keeled over with laughter. Dirk flipped her off, wading towards the shore. “Thanks, Harley,” he yelled. “Thank you so much!”

“Anytime, old chap!” Jake called back cheerfully. “Bit chilly for a dip though, isn’t it?”

“Ha, bloody, ha,” Dirk said as he made it to the shore, pulling his sopping green and silver robes off and dumping them on the ground. He wandered over and seized Roxy in a hug, making her shriek. “Come on, Egbert, group hug time,” he said, reaching out for Jane as well.

She laughed, and backed up, wand out warningly. “Oh no! No you don’t! Jane Egbert does not engage in group hugs!” She shrieked again as Dirk’s hand found her wrist, pulling her into the hug. He pulled both of the girls under his still sopping arms (which was amusing considering Roxy was a full head taller than him), and raised an eyebrow at Jake over the rim of his sunglasses.

“Gonna join in on the fun and games, Harley?” he asked.

Jake shrugged. “Yeah, sure,” he said, walking over and hugging them all. He tapped Dirk on the head with his wand, muttering the drying charm Jade had found in one of his school books over the summer.

Jane made a squawking noise and hit Jake’s arm, forcing them all apart, Roxy still giggling. Dirk was drying in patches, looking at his arms with a small smirk. “Thanks,” he said, reaching over to punch Jake lightly on the arm.

“Jake!” Roxy said, looking annoyed. “The point was to _dunk_ him so he’d be uncomfortably wet, not _dry him off_!” She grinned, though, and bestowed a large wink upon him. “Anyway, have you done the homework for Astronomy? Anyone?”

“Bueller?” Jake chimed without thinking, and Jane grinned at him.

“What?” Roxy asked, giving him a weird look.

“Muggle thing,” Jake said sheepishly. “It’s funny, if you get it.”

“Not that funny,” Jane said, sitting down. “Do we have to talk about homework, Roxy? Seriously? I thought the point of this was to just meet up and talk about the holidays and everything.”

“We had a point to this?” Dirk asked, joining Jane on the ground.

Roxy flopped to the ground as well, leaning back on her elbows, and Jake sat next to her. “I was just asking!” she said, reaching over and poking Jane. “Cause I think I screwed up a part of it.”

Dirk snorted. “Well done, Roxy. A week into the school year and already you’re a contender for ‘worst Ravenclaw ever’.”

“At least I’m not an asshole,” she said with a frown. “And I can at least _talk_ in Potions.”

“OKAY,” Jake said hastily, hoping to break it up before Dirk and Roxy stopped talking to each other again. “Let’s not talk about class, chums, I’m with Jane on this one.”

“Thank you!” Jane said hurriedly, sharing a worried look with him. “Lets not talk about class - and _especially_ not about Snape.”

“I think he’s got a competitor in the category of ‘Worst Teacher Ever’, though,” Dirk said gloomily, needlessly adjusting his glasses on his nose.

“Umbridge?” Jake asked, suddenly feeling personally slighted by the universe in general. “You’re right there, mate, she’s a right cow.”

Roxy shuddered. “God I almost died in her class yesterday,” she complained. “I was so bored I nearly hexed Nielson.”

“Wish you had,” Jane commented. “He’s awful.”

Roxy grinned. “I’ll bear it in mind for next lesson, then. And god, I just started tapping my nails along the spine of the book out of habit and she came right up to me after about two minutes and simpered at me in that awful nasal tone and said ‘Oh _dear_ , could you _please_ stop the tapping, only it’s just simply a distraction for the other students’ so of course then I couldn’t stop, and I felt like everything had to be tapping, I think I lost about ten points.”

Dirk snorted. “Snape ever try that on you?”

“Yeah, but he stopped taking points after about the third week,” Roxy said, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. “I think he just stopped noticing.”

“Wish he’d do that for our class,” Jane said, leaning back to mimic Roxy. “I’m getting sick of being called on because he has a standing grudge against Dirk.”

Dirk shrugged. “Sorry,” he said blithely. 

“You will be!” Jane said, prodding him.

“Ow,” Dirk said, utterly deadpan, before reaching over to shove her over. Jane shrieked, and Jake put his fists up, joking about defending her honour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay "I'll update once a week" I said, "fanfic and original fic at the same time", I said, "build a routine and get better at this", I said, "a quote a chapter, it'll be easy and fun!", I said. Never trust your authors, folks. I will start updating this once a week - regardless of what I think, or of length. Apologies for the wait and relative quality!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your author is bad at committing to schedules, which, really is the entire reason for the existence of this story.

EARTH 1 ====> COLLUDE

-You must select a character-

SEER ====> COLLUDE

Rose had simply been turning a corner, minding her own business as such, when she was bowled over by three different people. Someone grabbed her hand, dragging her back in the direction she came. “Run, run, _run_!” yelped a voice in her ear.

Breathlessly, she followed the others, footsteps pounding and her bag bouncing lightly against her back. One boy was out in the front, vaguely familiar with dark hair and Hufflepuff robes, and they turned down a passage she could swear hadn’t been there when she came past it originally. The boy, Egbert, she recalled, stopped all of a sudden, and Rose found herself in the middle of a four person pile up.

Egbert made shushing noises and they all stood stock still, pressed into each other, barely breathing. Her comrades in surprised arms were Harley, a Ravenclaw from some of her classes, and Dave, her brother in Gryffindor. It was eerie, breathing almost in sync, near silent, with three people she barely knew. Jade had her bag pressed up against her chest, one of Dave’s glasses arms had slipped off his ear, meaning the shades were only staying on his face by virtue of the charm keeping them there, and Rose stifled a laugh. Egbert hushed her again, his finger up to his lips as he edged the side of his face round the corner before whipping back with a gleeful grin.

“ _Success_ ,” he mouthed at Dave, who smacked his forehead with the base of his palm in near unison with Jade.

“ _What_?” Rose mouthed at him, but Egbert flapped his hand at her impatiently, his other hand pressed over his mouth.

Jade’s elbow was digging into her side, and Rose nudged her foot with a shoe. “Sorry!” Jade whispered, tucking her elbow away, and Rose nodded with a quick smile.

“Shut _up_!” Egbert whisper-hissed, flapping his hand still. Rose rolled her eyes at him.

“ _Oh my god_!” a girl’s voice yelled loudly quite near their hiding place. “This is _never_ going to come out, I spent three _hours_ embroidering this by hand over the holidays, Merlin’s goddamn _tits_!” Footsteps were rapidly approaching down the hall, two sets when Rose focused, one with longer strides, and the other hurrying to keep up.

“Okay, scourgify didn’t do the trick, but we don’t know every cleaning charm there is,” another girl’s voice said, sounding a little out of breath. “There’s probably something - three _hours_ , did you say?”

“Yes, Serket, three _hours_ ,” the first girl said. “Ooh, when I find the little brat - did you see what house he was in?”

“Hufflepuff,” Serket answered promptly, and John winced. “And believe me, when I get my wand on him - ooooh!” she finished angrily. The footsteps went past their hiding place, a flash of Ravenclaw robes, and their voices carried on down the hall.

There were a few, heavy moments, where they all looked at each other, and then Dave started laughing. “Oh my god you su- _uck_!” Egbert said, bunching up his fist and using it to hit down on Dave’s shoulder, rather than outright punching him. “They saw my house that’s not funny!”

“Oh my god, dude, this was entirely your idea, stop complaining that it worked,” Dave said in between snorts of laughter.

“What exactly have I been roped into?” Rose asked, her tone a little sharp.

Jade rolled her eyes. “They put a slime trap on the door to the girls’ bathroom,” she said. “Luckily I was coming out as they were setting it up rather than after, otherwise they’d both be dead!” she continued in a cheerful tone.

“C’mon Harley, you wouldn’t want to kill this sweetheart of a little dude would you?” Dave asked, putting an arm over her shoulder.

“He’s my cousin he’s hardly a sweetheart!” she said, elbowing him in the side.

“Oh not him, Egbert is definitely up on the murdering list, I meant me. I am a total sweetheart. A marshmallow. Gooey, sugary goodness that could give a chocolate frog a run for its money -”

“And makes Bertie Botts look like a walk in the proverbial park over the exquisite torture that is your way of speaking,” Rose said, dryly.

“Can we get back to not dying by third year Ravenclaws?” Egbert asked, sticking his head around the corner. “And Dave, you are so a marshmallow. A pink one! We can be marshmallow buddies.”

“I’m not a pink marshmallow you’re a pink marshmallow,” Dave objected.

“You’re both pink marshmallows,” Jade said with a sniff. “I’m pineapple. Also, I’m not dying by Ravenclaw. I am a Ravenclaw. I think we’re house bound or something not to murder each other!”

They looked at Rose expectantly, and she sniffed, hiking her bag higher on her shoulder. “I’m a white marshmallow. All other flavours are inferior. Have you considered shifting the blame?”

“Oooh, I could totally blame it on English,” Egbert said with a grin. “Serket already hates him anyway!”

“That’s not very Hufflepuff of you,” Dave said, jamming his hands in his pockets.

“You’re not very Hufflepuff. Anyway, he’s my cousin, you’re allowed to prank family.” John waved a hand dismissively.

“I’m definitely not Hufflepuff, I’m totally Ravenclaw,” Dave said, making a show of checking his gold and red robes.

“You wish,” Rose said. “And if Ravenclaw Serket is anything like the Slytherin Serket, you’ve doomed your cousin.”

Egbert waved his hand. “Eh, he’s only like, my third cousin.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Your cousin’s grandchild?”

Jade punched him.


	4. updating once a week my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gonna try and make this at least fortnightly, considering this was supposed to be an exercise in forcing myself to meet deadlines and not think too hard about what i'm writing. It's short, it's not meant to be. That's okay.

SYLPH ====> WORRY

\- Why would you worry? Everything’s perfectly f -

Oh no.

“Fussybritches!”

At the call, Kanaya turned in the middle of the hallway, nearly clipping a first year with her bag. She raised an eyebrow at her approaching classmate, Vriska Serket, a Slytherin with her tie loosely stuffed into her pocket. It was difficult, but Kanaya resisted the urge to walk over and neaten her up. Vriska’s hair was all over the place - no sign of the neat blue hair bands Kanaya had charmed for her - and her tie looked dangerously as if it was about to fall out of her pocket. Her robes were three inches too short for her gaunt frame, revealing odd socks badly stitched up the heel, her glasses were missing a piece of glass (though luckily it was the false eye Vriska had charmed to glow red to intimidate the other students -- Slytherins, honestly), and she was wearing a Ravenclaw jumper with the baggy sleeves pushed up past the elbows.

An arm looped through hers, Vriska’s grinning face very close to Kanaya’s, breath stale and faintly smelling of toothpaste despite the fact it was just after the lunch bell. “C’mon, Maryam, Slytherpuff study buddies?” she coaxed, her tone wheedling.

Someone slammed past Kanaya’s shoulder with force, and Kanaya whirled her head around just in time to see Terezi Pyrope storming down the hallway, Karkat casting an apologetic look at her over his shoulder. “Yes, alright,” she said, ignoring the twinge in her stomach and turning back to face Vriska. “Are you still having trouble in Astronomy?”

Vriska was frowning at Pyrope’s back, but she turned back to Kanaya, forcing her grin wider, her hand tightening like a vice on Kanaya’s wrist. “Yup! And who better to help than my b- _eeeeeeee_ st friend!” she said loudly, the sound carrying down the hallway much farther than it needed to.

Kanaya swallowed, but looped her arm tighter around Vriska’s. “Right. Have you maybe tried studying instead of - did you file your teeth to points?” faintly she realised her tone carried an almost horrified awe.

Grinning, Vriska tugged her down a side hall that hadn’t been there a moment before, her now elongated canines popped over her lips. “Maybe. They’re necessary for my plans - I’ve got so many -“

“Irons in the fire,” Kanaya finished automatically, earning a surprised smile from Vriska, definitely sharpened teeth filling her grin with disconcerting flashes of dark space.

“Holy shit, you’re catching on,” Vriska said, sliding her hand down to catch Kanaya’s and tug her around the corner. “I’ll make a Slytherin out of you yet!”

Old tapestry cloth draped over Kanaya’s head, momentarily blinding her to her surroundings, and she fumbled through it to the other side, free hand pressed hard against the wall alongside her, where Vriska was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. “I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Kanaya mumbled, pulling her bag out of the passage.

“Maybe not,” Vriska said with a curl of her lip as Kanaya brushed a cobweb off her sleeve, and Vriska tossed hair over her shoulder imperiously before starting off towards the library entrance.

“Vriska, aren’t you still ban-”

The entrance repelled her, er, friend, before she could finish her warning, and Kanaya sighed. Vriska blinked up from the ground with an angry huff. “Oh my god! I can’t believe this! I HAVE A RIGHT TO STUDY!” she yelled at the door from her sprawled position, eyes narrowed, and a second year giggled at her on their way through the entrance.

Vriska’s eyes widened, then narrowed again to angry slits, and Kanaya hastily put her hand over the wand emerging from Vriska’s robe sleeve. “You’ll only end up with more detentions if you’re caught hexing a twelve year old,” she muttered as Vriska shoved her hand away in irritation.

“Yeah, better make it look like Parkinson or Aranea,” she said blithely, ignoring Kanaya’s offered hand and pushing herself up, swiping her dusty hands over the front of her robes. “Did you catch which house the little twit was in?”

“No,” Kanaya lied, shifting uncomfortably.

“But he walked straight past you!”

Kanaya flushed, her fingers fidgeting and lacing with each other, feeling the burn in her cheeks clib towards her hairline. “I don’t know, the robes might have been, um, red, I guess-“

“Then they’re in _Gryffindor,_ oh my _God_ Maryam, sometimes I don’t know why I fucking bother.” Vriska gave her a disgusted look, crossing her arms over her chest, and Kanaya averted her gaze, suddenly focusing on putting her bookbag down and checking all the pockets.

“What books do you need?” she said tiredly, tucking her wand into the pocket she’d sewn inside the right breast of her robe.

Vriska rolled her eyes and jammed her hand into her pockets, pushing a grubby piece of paper at Kanaya’s hand with a dead beetle that looked an awful lot like the ones McGonagall kept at the back of the transfiguration classroom. “I’ll meet you in that one classroom on the second floor,” she said, hiking her bag up without bothering to fasten it. “Don’t take too long.”

Kanaya sighed and watched Vriska stalk off, collecting her own bag and heading into the library, squinting at the crumpled piece of parchment.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the deal with myself is supposed to be that i post what i have no matter what, not fuss and procrastinate forever bc it's not 'finished' damnit mogseltof this is why you keep losing health in habitica

 

====> **Be the mighty huntress**

The air was still and cold, the late October air filling her lungs over the creeping dusk of twilight. The trees were still, and silent across the lawn in front of her, but there was movement around the corner. Her tail twitched, her entire body tensed.

The footsteps grew closer, and closer, and she pressed against the stone wall, her muscles tensing to pounce as a grin started to widen on her face.

As Equius turned the corner with a swing of his blue and bronze robes, she pounced, wrapping her arm around his neck and pushing her fist into his hair, rubbing a noogie in with a loud giggle.

His books hit the grass with a loud thump and a strangled yell, his arms flailing, and his satchel slipped off his arm. “Nepeta!” he yelled hoarsely, and she released him with a giggle, covering her mouth with a gloved hand. Her sleeves were shoved up past her elbow, held in place with two bright pink hair ties she'd filched from Feferi's dresser during morning break, and her robves were tucked into the cargo pants she was wearing underneath. Her hair was messy and unbrushed under the bright blue cat eared beanie Equius had gotten her for her birthday, and the tips of her sneakers poked out from the hem of her pant legs.

Equius wheezed, wiping sweat from his forehead with one robe sleeve, and adjusted his dark glasses on his face, giving her a reproving look over the rim before he fussed at his hair, trying to make it hang straight again. “You know I'll just muss it again,” she said cheerfully, pushing her hands into her pants' pockets with a grin.

“You absolutely will not,” he huffed, picking his satchel up again and carefully pulling a steel toothed comb out of the front pocket.

Nepeta grinned again, stooping to collect his books and dusting the grass and dirt off the covers. One of them was bright and glossy, laminated like at the muggle library her mum sometimes dragged her to during summers, and she whistled, impressed. “Basics of Advanced Robotics? That doesn't sound like something Madam Pince would get in.”

Equius flushed brightly and snagged the books out of her hands, hurriedly rearranging them so the bright, thick book was in the middle of the stack. “It's mine,” he said, grimacing and glancing around. “Extra curricular. For, for Muggle Studies.”

“You're not a furry good liar, Equius,” Nepeta said lazily, falling into step with him as they walked down the lawn towards the lake, her backpack hanging low and bouncing lightly off the small of her back. “Muggle studies is a load of cat shit.”

“Language,” Equius said automatically, hugging the books to his chest. “And I know, but I have to have some explanation for this, unsavoury interest of mine.”

Nepeta rolled her eyes. “Equius no one gives a furrck that you like muggle robot stuff,” she said, slinging her backpack onto one shoulder before dropping it on the patch of grass by the lake where they frequently spent their evenings before it got too cold.

Equius sighed, sitting down next to her bag and watching her flop down, lacing her hands behind her head as she reclined comfortably. “People care,” he said impatiently. “Simply because you take a more relaxed notion of Muggles than most does not erase any associated, rightful stigma.”

He sniffed and Nepeta prodded his hip. “If you start talking about noble duty and honour of blood I'm taking the food and going back up to the castle,” she informed him.

Equius huffed an irritable sigh. “You really don't understand,” he said testily, sorting through the books and picking up the robotics text, letting it flop open. “The kind of shame this brings on my name, my bloodline, my whole heritage-”

“I have fresh scones, Equius! Fresh! With jam and cream! And cold milk! And I will take them all!” she said, propping herself up on her elbows and narrowing her eyes at him.

Equius relented. “My apologies,” he said stiffly, pulling a self inking quill and a muggle notebook out of his bag. “I trust you can entertain yourself as always.”

“Nope,” Nepeta said cheerfully, tugging the bag up and pulling out the scones wrapped in a wide handkerchief that the kitchen elves had given her. “So you better tell me all about what you're studying!”

“So that you may nap happily,” Equius muttered, marking a spot in the textbook, and Nepeta laughed.

“Yup,” she said, loading up a scone with cream and taking the cold flask of milk up. “Now come on and eat something, we both skipped dinner.”

Equius huffed irritably and took the scone, eating it in one bite before washing it down with a hearty swig of milk. “Circuitry forms the base of any robotic structure, the artificial brain that provides direction-”

Nepeta smiled, leaning back against his shoulder and listening to him patiently. True to his prediction, it didn't take long for her to drift off into a steady doze, stomach full of scones, ears full of 'muggle nonsense'.

She stirred quietly, a couple of hours later, at a murmured charm and warm arms picking her up.

====> **Too sleepy, be the human Gryffindor girl**

Human? Everyone at Hogwarts is human as far as you know.

The fire in the common room was growing low, sparks flying less and less with the low background crackling Jane was accustomed to. Second year was harder than first, which made sense, she guessed, but she was still on top of her homework (mostly). She chewed the end of her quill, adjusting how she sat on the fat, comfortable armchair she'd managed to snag when one of the sixth year prefects gave up on whatever they were doing with a disgusted expression, and looked at the parchment in front of her.

_Dear father,_

_The first few weeks of term have really flown by! Class is going excellently, I think, and I promise I'm paying plenty of attention to my work and not just how best to trick my classmates (though they are really gullible! I managed to get one of the Hufflepuffs with the joy buzzer you got from that Muggle “Magic” shop! She hasn't started speaking to me again yet, though, so I might have to see if I can bake her something nice.)_

_Although, you'd have to tell me where the kitchens are for that!_

That was barely anything, but she was already out of ideas of what to write. She could hardly tell him about how poorly she was keeping up in transfiguration, or how boring defence against the dark arts was this year (Umbridge was poor form against Professor Moody, even if he had turned out to be a madman who thought You-Know-Who was still alive and not really Professor Moody at all). He'd just tell her that she should practise her ability to pay attention and be a good student no matter what the situation – she'd figure it out because she was a smart girl and he was proud of her.

 _Dirk, Roxy, and Jake all say hi!_ (They hadn't, but they probably would if they knew she was writing.) _John has settled into Hufflepuff nicely, apparently, and it looks like he's made friends with Dirk's younger brother (I don't know if he's written you yet, John I mean, not Dirk's brother) so he's doing well!_

Oh botheration, that practically exhausted all she had to say on that topic.

_Jake's tried out for his house Quidditch team, he didn't get on but the captain told him he showed good form. I think I might wait and see if there's positions on the Gryffindor team next year, I'm still not very good._

_Well, I'm better than Dirk but he detests it, so I don't think he's actually trying._

That and it would ruin his reputation of not caring to anyone watching if he actually played well. Jane rolled her eyes reflexively, wishing Roxy had been out with them instead of in detention with McGonagall. Roxy got a lot of homework related detention for a Ravenclaw.

That was officially all she had to say though.

_I hope you're doing well! Love, Jane._

She wrinkled her nose at the finished letter and sighed, folding it up and tucking it into the envelope she had out before checking her watch. Fifteen minutes before curfew wasn't _exactly_ enough time to get to the owlery and back, but it was almost...

She tightened her dressing gown around her waist and strode out of the common room with a small smile. It had been a while since she'd practised her “innocent lost child” routine on someone, and as long as she hit a prefect or a teacher who wasn't McGonagall, they'd probably swallow it whole.

  
  



End file.
